Things are getting back on track here at FPL Shithouse HQ with a tantalising 20 point return from gameweek 4’s bunch of crap houses. I appreciate that some of my players are not playing regularly at their respective clubs which is a direct violation of rule #1 “They must play regularly for their team”. With this in mind, the first Fantasy Premier League wildcard has been played and with the summer transfer window now over I expect all these players to put in a shit shift every week.
With red arrows and a staggering rank of 2,673,071, I’m slipping down those ranks and getting closer the the 3 million mark.
Goalkeeper
Butland – Continues to let everyone down every week which is perfect for this team, and so he keeps his place in the wildcard changes.
Defenders
PvA – Coming on for a 1 pointer again is perfect Shithouse material! He also keeps his spot.
Distin – Not getting a look in at Bournemouth so he is out of my team, in comes Bassong.
Captain Cathcart – Brilliant captaincy choice, picking up a single point, doubled with the armband. I do think however Watford will be very ‘Burnley Like’ this year, so he is out for Pieters.
Midfielders
Navas – My gamble paying off as my most valuable player homes in on a lonely point. Gambles are not for the Shithouse, so he makes way for Andy King.
Colback – 2 points from the first shit C.
Cattermole – Shithouse legend and never lets me down, 1 point again.
Coquelin – Gets stuck in and never picks up anything but playing points, he stays.
Sanchez – Superbly shit.
Forwards
Ighalo – a 2 pointer from the new boy. That’s how its done Callum, none of this hat trick lark and you might’ve stayed in the team!
Graham – The only player to score anything this week isn’t a bad turn out, he’s still a keeper.
Transfers – mass wildcard changes as per below
Ruddy > Speroni
Distin > Bassong
Pocognoli > Clark
S.Taylor > Cook
Navas > King
Crouch > Agbonlahor
So here is Gameweek 5’s line-up….
I’m giving Sanchez the honour of double points this week, that’s right the shit one.
By Matty Kaye.
