When your S**thouse XI captain picks up some assist and bonus points, you fear the worst. Compound that with 2 clean sheets and you’re dreaming of green arrows. Not the case. My team of redundant idiots only scored a total of 32 points, 15 below the average meaning that the colours of my arrows were that lovely red colour. A 5k rank was very welcome, pushing me close (4,076,754) to the new revised target of 4.1m (300k more than the initial goal).
Jakupovic (1) Whilst the Lukaku captain choice seemed one that a S**thouse manager would make for a long time for many, a brace in injury time meant glory for those and glory for my keeper.
Cresswell (1) West Ham have been far from impressive at their new home so a point from their best is as expected.
Fernandez (1) Swansea have truly lost their new manager syndrome and another defeat sees a point for Federico.
Cook (7) A clean sheet and a bonus was very unexpected, both for the S**thouse and my personal team!
Kaboul (2) A stellar signing since he came in. A duo of points against a solid Crystal Palace.
Jones (5) Clean sheet number 2, but at least he felt the need to pick up a yellow card and miss a sitter!
Captain Xhaka (12) Wrong choice! An assist and a bonus was a consolation for Arsenal who lost again!
Yacob (1) He may have lost his place but he still comes off the bench every game, this time for Brunt.
Dier (1) Doing exactly what he says on the tin, yellow card magnet.
Vokes (1) Came off the bench to try and win the game. Does Dyche realise he is the S**thouse leading lady?!
Stuani (0) No, that’s not a BFZ, it’s a blank!
The Bench (0) 5 players without any minutes this week, so this needs to improve!
Now onto this week’s S**thouse XI:
GW30 Transfers – Barry’s back! And in comes Hernandez who is categorically s**te.
Captain – Has to be Gareth ‘The Baron’ Barry with an early morning kick off against his rivals, Liverpool. Bring on the reds.
Good luck everyone, and save those reds for me!
Written by Matty Kaye (@MaffewKaye)