With the kick off of Fantasy Premier League fast approaching, many FPL managers are trying to build the best team possible. However, this team couldn’t be further away from that, as this season we will be looking forward to seeing this collection of muppets, that make up the Sh*thouse XI, perform. Last season the Sh*thouse XI did very well finishing around the 3.5 millionth marker, which was an epic achievement considering, in the main, we used players that played 90 minutes and didn’t take one hit using all two wildcards and all three chips!
This season the Sh*thouse XI rules are exactly the same and for those not familiar with this feature, they are outlined below:
1. Where possible all players must register 60+ FPL minutes with their clubs each gameweek.
2. No hits can be taken.
3. All chips must be used (All out Attack, Bench Boost and Triple Captain).
4. Wildcards are optional.
5. If a player is suspended, it doesn’t count to an absentee.
Last week the Sh*thouse XI HQ took a scouting mission across the new 3 promoted clubs, Burnley, Hull and Middlesbrough, as well as recapping on any newbies from the other 17 clubs from last season. We have created the Sh*thouse XI first draft. Without further ado, here is how the first draft looks:
Eldin Jakupovic (4.0m) & Heurelho Gomes (5.0m) – A 4.5m goalkeeper rotation that provides an awful first 7 games. Jakupovic of Hull and Gomes of Watford, make this run of an opening mess; Leicester City (H), Chelsea (H), Manchester United (H), West Ham (A), Arsenal (H), Liverpool (A) and Chelsea (H), superb!
Andrew Robertson (4.5m) – He plays for a Hull team that are quite frankly, falling apart.
Simon Francis (4.5m) – The Bournemouth defender can be a bit of a handful at times, but Bournemouth have some tough games to start, in which he will be perfect for.
Billy Jones (4.5m) – The Sunderland fullback will have his hands full in gameweek 1 at the Etihad, perfect captain material!
Matthew Lowton (4.5m) – Burnley will be strong at the back, but Lowton has some tough games muddled in between.
Christian Kabasele (5.0m) – Watford were strong last year, but their ship may have sailed and their new voyage could be a relegation scrap, so in comes the new addition to that squad.
Emre Can (5.0m) – The Liverpool midfileder is not nailed on to start, so we will have to monitor his game time in preseason, but if he plays, he stays and if he stays, as he misbehaved last season, acquiring 9 yellow cards.
Claudio Yacob (4.5m) – A late addition last season and he was instrumental in our demise, so he gets another chance. Also picking up 9 yellow cards last season wasn’t too bad!
Lee Cattermole (4.5m) – A Sh*thouse XI legend, he is our Hero. 8 yellow cards last season, hoping for more this campaign!
Gareth Barry (4.5m) – Only 5 yellow cards for Barry last season, but at the end of the day he is perfect for the Sh*thouse XI
Eric Dier (5.5m) – Some might be shocked at this addition, but listed as a midfielder this season, he wont reign in those clean sheet points. He received 10 yellow cards last season, the most of anyone!
Yellow card tally for the 2015/16 season for the Sh*thouse midfield: 41
Abel Hernández (6.0m) – He plays for Hull who may struggle going forward this season.
David Nugent (5.0m) – Nugent may be bench player, a bit like Ulloa last season so we may have to monitor his paying time.
Fabio Borini (5.5m) – Borini is on monitor, but we expect him to lose out to Defoe and even Watmore coming off the bench to secure solitary points!
My forward line is very rough around the edges so will be subject to change!
We will release my final draft the week before the start of the season so check back then for more terrible players!
Good Luck and save those red arrows for me!
Written by Matty Kaye