SHITHOUSE XI – Gameweek 30

As you may remember from last week’s SHITHOUSE XI analysis. We were very sceptical about our chances this gameweek. With some massive 6 pointers down the bottom half over the weekend, many of our players achieved far more points than usual. Shocking scenes here at the HQ. 38 points has to be one of our highest points total all season.


At a brief glance, you can see there’s 4 players who received 6 or more points. Accumulated to the total, the Shithouse XI scored the exact average score overall. We must reiterate, we are not under any circumstances, changing our namesake to the Average XI.


Guzan – Admittedly, Green was a better choice. Unfortunately for us, he sat on the bench.


Morgan – A stalemate between two of the least dangerous teams this season. And, a bonus point for our Wes?! Just a blip, right?

Brown – A worthy candidate for Shithouse XI’s player of the season. Another shocking performance and another 4 goals conceded. Zero points for playing the whole 90 minutes. Captain next week?

Caulker – Within 45 minutes, the R’s had conceded 3 goals, solid performance from Caulker.


Livermore – Jake was also involved in the lacklustre 0-0 draw between Leicester and Hull, therefore boasting an extra point for Hull’s clean sheet.

Cleverley – Villa scored 4 goals this weekend, surely the ex-Manchester United box to box midfielder contributed to this surprise thrashing? No, no he didn’t. Thanks, Tom.

Jones – As the captain, we trusted Burnley to let us down at Turf Moor. However, they did the opposite. Plaudits for the whole team as well as Jones who gained 6 points for their great win.

Gardner – A stand out performance from Craig. Effortlessly controlled the game from midfield and even produced a great assist for Ideye’s header. 9 points is a huge blow for the Shithouse XI’s total gameweek score. And to think we were going to put him captain. Phew.

N’Zonzi – Played out of the game by the world class Craig Gardner, the Frenchman was lucky to receive the full 2 points for his efforts.


Diouf – Personally, we think Diouf saw the Shithouse XI’s article last week and decided to do us a favour. 23 minutes on the field, no goals and a yellow card. Cheers Mame.

Wickham – Honestly, we do try to pick players who we think will play the full 90 minutes. However, Connor did get a 45 minute run around. Luckily, there’s nothing feisty about the black cats in recent weeks. 1 point.

Gameweek 30:

There are some super tough fixtures coming up for our first 11. Let’s hope we can blow this week’s score out of the water and set a target of 26 points for this weekend.


Player out:

Wickham – Hasn’t played as much as we would like in recent gameweeks. It’s a real shame, our Connor loves playing for the Shithouse XI and is always welcome back. Adiós amigo.

Player in:

Vardy – Vardy has once again landed himself a chance to show his prowess in the East Midlands outfit. However, Leicester face a Spurs team desperately pushing for a Champions League spot. White Hart Lane has seen some upsets in the past. This will not be one of them. 

The captain’s armband stays with Jones this week. Although he did well to receive 6 points last gameweek, Burnley who travel to St Mary’s stadium face a very tough opposition. As the legend Matt Le Tessier would say; come on you Saints.



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