With only two days to go before the much awaited gameweek 1 Fantasy Premier League deadline, the SHITHOUSE XI draft has been formalised and players are now locked in. Barring any injuries appearing in the next 48 hours, we see no reason to change this bunch of losers around. The aim of the season is to score as few points possible with players that are regulars in their team. I will use all the chips, including the wildcards to minimise my points return. If I can get in the bottom 300K, we will be over the moon. Last season my predecessor finished in the bottom 6% of FPL, so anything more than that is failure.
Here is the team:
Butland – With my god awful rotation of Ruddy\Butland in reverse, the young goalkeeper starts between the sticks for GW1.
Pocognoli – At home to Manchester City who have an excellent gameweek 1 record.
Cathcart – A game away to Everton will mean goals conceded and it’s an honour to have him in my squad.
Note – In gameweek 1 I am only playing 2 defenders due to the ‘All Out Attack’ chip that has been played very early.
Navas – A BIG gamble for the Shithouse who on his day can be explosive and would hurt me tremendously if he was to repeat his 9 assists of last season.
Sanchez – The crap one. Even away to new boys Bournemouth, he will get a CS point at best.
Coquelin – The first of the Bruisers in the middle. Coquelin runs the show at Arsenal and consistently does nothing for FPL.
Colback – The second of the Generals in midfield, I’m hoping for a card of either colour.
Cattermole – The last of the 3C’s is Lee Cattermole, one of the dirtiest players in the league who is highly reliable when it comes to ruining anyone’s score.
Zarate – Away to a solid Arsenal, Zarate should play instead of the injured Valencia who made it into our initial draft.
Crouch – Generally players going back to their old clubs do well but this is Peter Crouch, NEXT!
Graham – With Fletcher carrying a minor knock and Wickham departed, Graham may be used as a “Super -Shit- Sub”.
Our captaincy choice for the first gameweek will be the ever reliable Cattermole. Stick it to ’em Lee!
By Matty Kaye