Shithouse XI – Game-week 5

Game-week 4 saw a lot of people score big points thanks to a few key performances from some very big FPL players. At SHITHOUSE XI, we pride ourselves on getting the fewest points possible (if you didn’t know already) and this week we had an absolute stormer:


It may seem like a few players didn’t play but in actual fact, half of those on 0 played a part in their matches and half of those on 1 point actually played the full 90 minutes. Before game-week 4, SHITHOUSE XI were consistently hitting 22 or 23 points but now, with an overall rank of just under 3.1 MILLION out of 3.25m players and an @FPL_Updates league position of 996 out of 1002 (bearing in mind that all those players below us except one have only played 1 game-week), we see a record low points tally of just 13.


Green – With the QPR goalkeeper conceding 14 goals in his last 4 games against Manchester United prior to game-week 4’s fixture and with United needing a backlash to their questionable start this season, we knew this wasn’t going to end well for Rob and his R’s. Making 5 saves throughout the match was his only saving grace as that bagged him his only FPL point for his day’s work.


Amat – Despite Swansea being the better team for a large portion of the first half at Stamford Bridge, Jordi Amat had a game to forget. He was constantly putting in fouls and after receiving his first yellow card, he looked to be heading towards a second. He was the subject of a substitution during half time which seemed to be an attempt to prevent the inevitable sending off. However, it later emerged that he picked up an injury and is now ruled out for 6 weeks due to knee ligament damage. Due to his yellow and Chelsea only scoring the 1 out of 4 goals in the first half whilst he was on the pitch, he gets away with scoring 0. Get well soon Jordi!

Onuoha – Unfortunately for us, and thankfully for him I guess, Nedum Onuoha didn’t make an appearance at Old Trafford. What a defence that would have been this week having Nedum & Rob bagging hardly any points!

Brown – Despite Sunderland probably deeming a draw against Spurs a good result, Wes had a torrid time for the Black Cats & 0.5% of FPL managers as he scored 0 points. Conceding 2 goals and picking up a yellow card means he may as well have not played. Keep doing us proud Wes!


Cleverley – New club and possibly new man. Tom raked in the big points for our team scoring a total of… 3. An arguably unexpected clean sheet at Anfield added to Tom’s 2 points for playing making him the highest point scorer for the shithousers this week. Well done Tom, you deserve that mate.

Cattermole – Cattermole came in with more points than we expected after not picking up a booking. The Sunderland man adds 2 points to this weeks point tally.

Lucas – Lucas had played just 62 minutes of Liverpool’s Premier League campaign this season prior to the match against Aston Villa and he did not add any minutes here. You’re letting us down with game-time Leiva!

Wanyama – Wanyama was a half-time substitute, adding just a single point to his season’s FPL points tally. Victor Wanyama now has 6 FPL points to his name after 225 minutes of game-time. Keep the FPL SHITHOUSE flag flying high Victor!

Jedinak – Mile comes in this week with, you guessed it, his trusty 2 points for playing. He has featured in every minute of every game so far and thanks to a shock assist in game-week 2, he now has 10 points. Good work Mile.


Vaz Te – The game against Hull was the first of which Vaz Te hasn’t featured for the Hammers this season and therefore resulted in him scoring 0 FPL points. Hopefully, Ricardo makes an appearance against Liverpool in the Saturday night fixture.

Nugent – After a tough start to the season for Leicester, they bagged their first win against Stoke at the Britannia Stadium. The Stoke ground is not an easy place to go and grab a win, especially your first win of the season, so well done to the Foxes. Nugent bagged himself his 2 points for playing and now faces Manchester United in game-week 5. Someone give Leicester a break!


So we are getting closer to a fully starting XI scoring next to no points. However, with a few injures being a concern and a lack of a bench to come in for players who don’t feature, we felt it was time for the wildcard to be played. Here is our new look SHITHOUSE XI:



Amat – Jordi Amat has been ruled out for 6 weeks with knee ligament damage. He was also getting too many clean sheets for our liking thanks to Swansea’s great start to their Premier League campaign so he has received the boot from our team. He must be relieved.

Yanga-Mbiwa – Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa has joined Roma on loan for the season and escaped the SHITHOUSE XI in doing so. We look forward to seeing you next season Mapou…

Onuoha – Nedum Onuoha sees a lot more of the bench than the pitch at the moment as he has only had 45 mins play-time. Therefore, we have removed him from the team.

Lucas – Leiva Lucas has struggled to break into the Liverpool starting XI thanks to the influx of new midfield signings at Anfield. The Brazilian has only featured in 62 minutes and that is the reason for his removal.

Soldado – Roberto Soldado has escaped the SHITHOUSE XI due to being out of favour and therefore a lack of play time. The Spaniard has featured in just 11 minutes of Spurs’ league campaign and has been struggling with various injuries. Therefore, he is out of the team… for now.


We have focused on bringing in players that will get a lot of game-time to ensure we see less 0 points for non-featuring players in our starting XI.

Cresswell – Creswell made 132 league appearances for Ipswich in the championship over the last 3 seasons and has made the leap up to the big time by signing for West Ham. Can he make the leap in terms of performance? We are yet to see. We feel harsh for including him but for now, he is in the squad.

Williamson – Newcastle are currently struggling with Alan Pardew reportedly on the verge of being sacked so it seemed right to include a Newcastle defender. Williamson’s defending at the weekend for Cork’s goal made the decision easy as he switched off when a back-pass was played. Despite getting his first goal in the Premier league against Crystal Palace this season, and his first goal since 09/10 season at that, Mike has made it into our team. Congratulations Mike!

Davies – Despite featuring in all but one half of the last 3 game-week matches, Curtis Davies still sits on the same amount of points he accumulated in game-week 1. An own goal in his last match and conceding 2 goals along with a yellow card in his 45 minutes against Villa has resulted in -2, removing the points earned in game-week 2. We expect this to be a blip as when he has played a lot of minutes in a season, he has broken through the 100 point barrier. Defenders who we can tarnish with the SHITHOUSE XI brush are hard to come by but due to his recent point scoring form, he makes the squad.

Tiote – Cheick Tiote featured in our draft team back on August 7th but due to a hamstring injury, he has missed out on the first 3 game-weeks. Tiote played 45 minutes against Southampton which is a sign he may be about to be a regular feature for Newcastle once again. Back when we first included him, 7.7% of FPL managers had included 2-point-average Cheick Tiote in their squad but thankfully, you have seen the light (or injury forced you to make a transfer) and that has dropped to 1.7%.

Jutkiewicz – Lukas (and I’m only going to refer to him as that as spelling his surname is an absolute mission) has made 5 appearances in the Premier League, if we include his 1 appearance for Everton back in 08/09 season which lasted 5 minutes. As much as Burnley have struggled to score, Lukas has had a few chances which he has looked very uneasy about taking and therefore this is why he is in our squad. Welcome Lukas.

If you are yet to check out the previous articles in the SHITHOUSE XI series, be sure to check them out here.

You may also like...