Shithouse XI – Game-week 6

Game-week 5 saw an average points tally of just 36. A low scoring week for so many clearly as a big points tally depended on clean sheets, smart captaincy choices, or performing differentials. Most of the big point hitters failed to provide… but the shithousers went a long way to proving me wrong:


A massive 54 points is what our supposed “shithouse” players earned in total. After a consistent free-fall through the ranks over the first 4 game-weeks, these shithousers actually managed to improve the overall rank by nearly 100,000! In terms of game-week rank, it is even more embarrassing for us as they, as a collective, fell within the top 200,000 top scoring FPL teams. After a record low points tally of just 13 last week, we see a record high points tally of 54. It may seem a strange choice to you all that we played our wildcard in preparation for this game-week after achieving the best shithouse week to date but it was in-fact to ensure we have players who actually play and not just those who sit on the bench. It’s a long shot but maybe these guys know we have them in our team and went out in game-week 5 to prove us wrong…


Green – Rob did us proud as he usually does by conceding 2+ goals resulting in some minus points. He brought in a single point towards this record points tally so we thank you Rob for once again, being a reliable shithouse.


Cresswell – As I stated in the original article, I felt quite harsh for including Cresswell in the Shithouse team. I watched West Ham beat Liverpool and his play was of a very high standard so don’t be fooled by him only achieving 2 points. Having said that, his stats say otherwise as he only just achieved over a 50% pass completion rate.

Davies – Curtis only brings in a single point due to Newcastle completing a 2 goal come-back. Davies carried out his defensive duties in the air quite well, winning 8 of his 10 aerial battles, but he also showed why he is a defender and not up the other end of the pitch as he failed to complete what he set out to do (aerial battle, pass, shoot or tackle) when in the opposition box 5 out of 6 times.

Brown – Wes. What are you doing to me?! A rare clean sheet and an even rarer 3 bonus points for Wes Brown this week resulted in him adding 9 points to this week’s point tally and a place in game-week 5’s dream time. Not a wanted result when he’s supposed to be a shithouse so don’t let us down again Wes!


Cattermole – Despite the woodwork being hit at both ends, Burnley Sunderland finished 0-0 which means an extra point for Lee as a clean sheet bonus.

Cleverley – Tom keeps up his form that he showed so often at United by only scoring the 2 points for playing. Keep it up mate!

Wanyama – Victor Wanyama had to become the first Kenyan to score in the Premier League whilst he was in our shithouse team didn’t he?! Victor scored the only goal in a win over Swansea as well as bagging all 3 bonus points, despite only being on the pitch for 22 minutes. A one-off points tally we imagine…

Jedinak – Mile sunk a stunning penalty into the Everton net to keep us quiet this week and bag himself 8 points in total. Again, another one-off you’d imagine considering his FPL record.

Tiote – Tiote grabs himself an assist on his full return from injury and finishes the game-week on 5 points. A typically unlikely source of FPL points but then again, they all have been this week!


Nugent – David Nugent made full use of the captaincy armband to really rub it in our faces this week as he bagged himself a goal. Due to the captaincy, he finished up on 12 points in our team. A frustrating result considering the penalty was arguably harshly awarded.

Jutkiewicz – Lukas & Burnley continue to be draw specialists and still only have 1 goal to attach to their Premier League campaign this season. Lukas again drew a blank this week, bringing in just the 2 points for playing. However, he did have 6 attempts, with half on target. He also created 3 chances throughout the match.


So, onto game-week 6 and we feel that the huge points tally achieved in game-week 5 was a one-off. Unfortunately for us, all of those players who did score big decided to do it on the same week and make us look very foolish. Despite this, we haven’t made any changes in terms of transfers. However, we have selected a different formation:


We have made the change to a 4-4-2 formation. Although it is commonly known that the defenders rarely score you big points, we haven’t selected this formation to achieve a low points tally. We’ve selected this formation due to players playing more minutes than others.

Wanyama drops to the bench after struggling to establish himself in the starting XI after game-week 2. He is replaced by Williamson who has played the full 90 minutes of every match.

We have given the captain’s armband this week to Lee Cattermole. He keeps scaring us by rattling shots off the cross-bar but we are banking on a blank, despite a fixture against 1-goal-in-5-games Burnley.

Make sure you catch up on our SHITHOUSE XI series to see how we’ve been doing and for justifications for particular players by checking the SHITHOUSE XI category.

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